Last week I was hit with 2 big fears of mine and one of them was my fear about my body image. I was born with Angioedema, and when I was a teenager, I was underweight (110-118 lbs at 5’8″). I had a boyfriend in high school and throughout most of college (the same guy) and I will never forget something he said to me when I was in my 3rd year of college:
He liked me better “before” my weight gain.
I was feeling like crap because I finally got on medication to help me with my Angioedema, anxiety, and depression. I started gaining weight. I was feeling “fat” and I asked him if he liked my body better before in high school or my now body in college.
His answer stuck with me my entire life.
Since then, I continued to gain weight, even if working out, and from 23-26 years old while in a different relationship with a narcissist, I was at my heaviest (I think it was like 170 lbs).
I tried to commit suicide that year at 26 after I broke up with him.
Not all because of my body image, but what I didn’t know at the time is that my confidence centers around my body weight. And you know what? I’m 37 years old and I JUST realized this last week when I was facing this 1 of 2 fears.
This is WHY I’m scared to grow more in my work as a best-selling author and owner of my brand, Manifest It! I’m scared to be on TV, I’m scared to be on video, I’m scared to do public speaking, and I’m scared because I look around and so many public figures are thin.
And even now, my confidence centers around my body image about fear 2 of my 2 fears:
My relationship with my boyfriend.
I don’t like being overweight. I’m up to 273 lbs now. I hate it. While my figure is an hour-glass figure, I do not like how heavy I have become.
I stopped working out as much about 5 years ago because I wasn’t getting back to my high school weight, you know, the “before” weight.
And while last week I was freaking out and having panic attacks over my 2 fears, I DID bust through them yesterday and I feel a great sense of release.
Sure, I still feel bad about myself and my weight, but at least now I understand WHY I feel bad about my body image. And from here I can make empowering and knowledgeable decisions to get healthier.
Your life and your success is a CONTINUAL work in progress. Making a certain amount of income, weighing a certain amount in your body, and being liked by a certain amount of people or having a certain amount of followers is not going to give you happiness. No.
I can count so many times men have made negative comments TO ME about my weight.
Your happiness depends on how you treat and love YOURSELF. I want you to put your hand over your heart and repeat this out loud to yourself:
My happiness depends on how I treat and love MYSELF. Always. I love myself and I give myself permission to take manifesting action towards my goals every day. I’m more than enough and I’m worthy of all the happiness I’m receiving.
I’m learning new things now that I understand WHY my confidence centers around my body weight. Understanding the WHY is the first step, educating yourself and taking manifesting action is the second and third step to receiving your desires quickly.
I believe in you and I love you. You’re amazing!