I’m just like you:
I spent the majority of my life completely confused about what constitutes a healthy relationship. I spent my teens and my 20’s trying REALLY hard to get people to approve of me, especially my 3 relationships. I even spent my early 30’s trying to attempt approval from the outside.
I spent the majority of my 35 years trying to PLEASE EVERYONE around me. And what did it do for me? Nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. It DID leave me exhausted, irritated, sad, frustrated, confused, feeling unworthy, and completely emotional most of the time. I was walking on eggshells around…well, myself.
I’m just like you, or maybe the past you. Either way, my point is, some people may look at me and think I’m “higher” up on the totem pole of life when they follow me on social media. I hate to sugarcoat things, so let me just be blunt for a moment:
I AM JUST LIKE YOU. PERIOD.
Even though I no longer allow myself to be in toxic relationships that leave me feeling completely worthless and crazy, it doesn’t mean I still don’t have my “moments”. I am human. I am a total badass, yes. But, I am just like you; which means YOU are a total badass as well. And don’t you even deny it because you ARE!
How Did I Go From There to Here? Note: Transparency Below
So how did I go from trying to commit suicide at 26 from being EXHAUSTED trying to love myself from seeking some fucked up people’s opinions of me, to now being 35 and completely telling anyone and everyone who judges me in a negative way to fuck off?
I’ll Tell You a Secret of Mine:
It’s because I spend every single day working on my mindset. I do NOT go one day without working on my mindset (and I make sure to give myself the self-love I need). As spiritual beings in physical bodies, part of our journey is to continuously grow and evolve. Once you wrap your head around this and understand it, you realize that it’s completely NOT WORTH IT to be such a huge perfectionist all of the time going around trying to please God knows who. SO EXHAUSTING!
I used to be in a vicious self-sabotaging cycle of ALLOWING men to treat me as if I am NOT a one-in-a-7 BILLION, super-badass, heart of a rose quartz, black lace, delicate red-rose, purple royal hippie (yes, I like all of these so I’m using them to describe me- sue me). And then I just got tired. I got tired and I said to me, “enough is enough!” I was SO tired of being in relationships to where I was constantly giving and giving and giving…and giving and giving…I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I do mean EVERY relationship: my 3 romantic relationships, my friendships, my work relationships, my family relationships, etc.
Being a people-pleaser is EXHAUSTING. Now, in the present, when I think about it, I just want to start laughing at people who have the SAME expectations of me. Sorry, but healthy boundaries ARE okay and perfectly, well, healthy. They are needed. It’s time to take your grown ass adult-self and grow the fuck up. Yep. I went there.
No, no one upset me today. Not at all, actually. I just look around and realize how many people are putting their TRUE happiness on the back burner. They are waking up day after day, letting time completely go by, and ALLOWING excuses to rule their lives. Is this you? If so, well, I’m here to say it’s NOT TOO LATE for you. The only time it’s too late for you to turn it all around and start living in TRUE abundance is when your spiritual being leaves your shell behind: yep, when you CROAK! Is this what you want?
I don’t think you do. Look, I know it’s scary making changes in your life. I GET IT. I spent the majority of my life completely terrified of changes and NOT following my soul’s truest wants in this world. Did I make a HUGE leap of change overnight? No. And you don’t have to either. Yes, I have manifested some BIG blessings into my life in a SHORT amount of time; but, it wasn’t because I took on some HUGE leaps. Nope. I just gave up my urge to constantly control my surroundings and my environment: meaning, I gave up PEOPLE-PLEASING because when you people-please it is a self-serving need…the need to be approved and loved…you DO have expectations of others giving you approval in return. And when it doesn’t happen, you keep people-pleasing hoping it WILL happen. Again, HOW EXHAUSTING!
The Heart of The Matter (Not to Quote Don Henley Too Much)
You can come up with all the ways you want to make excuses for why people-pleasing is NOT selfish, but it is. It’s living in victim mentality. It’s allowing others to completely dictate your OWN self-worth. And it’s selfish because you have EXPECTATIONS of an outcome of others approving of you when really no one needs to approve of you AT ALL. The only being that needs to approve of you is YOU. The badass, version 2.0 self, one-in-a-7 billion, eccentric, completely amazing YOU. Yes, YOU!
If a man or woman doesn’t treat you the way you long to be treated, look inward. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. What are you ALLOWING in order for them to treat you this way? If you start respecting yourself and giving yourself the love that YOU ARE WORTHY of giving and receiving to YOURSELF, you’d be surprised at how all of the toxic-takers in this world just fall away. I call them “toxic-takers” because they are takers and if you are a people-pleaser, you are most likely a giver. Everyone is selfish to a degree, each and every one of us. There are people who are takers the majority of the time, and then there are people who are givers the majority of the time. Point is, when you LOVE yourself first and foremost, the takers fall away. They fall away because the Universe is re-arranging things on your soul’s truest path FOR you and your happiness!
I May Be Rambling a Bit, But Just Hear Me Out
I was single for 9 YEARS. Yes, years. I went on about 1-3 dates (I’m totally old-fashioned when it comes to the way most people live their lives these days). I got nicknamed “Born-Again Virgin”…and while nurses proceeded to tell me what was in fact “true” with regards to the anatomy of a female over the course of 9 years…I just laughed it all off. But, inside, I was feeling like something was “wrong” with me because I am SO PICKY and I was single, truly single, for 9 years. I might as well have joined a convent I was SO single! No wonder I love to wear black…
Version 2.0 Self & Freedom
But that day I admitted to myself that I was single because I FEARED being happy was the day of TOTAL FREEDOM for me! TOTAL FREEDOM! I spent 10 months doing my Mastering Your Mindset journaling on a daily basis and I wrote things like this out during my journaling:
My boyfriend is such a wonderful man! We are best friends and we have a very open-style of communication. He is a researcher in science and he’s incredibly intelligent. He is an older man who loves to be at home, but also loves to travel the world. He is European and is sweet, caring, and romantic, loves to read, loves poetry, and is so calm and patient in his personality. He is very optimistic about life and we talk for HOURS. He loves animals, loves the mountains, and he enjoys watching movies at home and/or going to the symphony. We are truly best friends first and foremost and he’s 2000% committed and loyal to me and our relationship. I am SO BLESSED! On the weekends we…
You get the gist of what I’m saying. I spent 10 months doing my mindset journaling on a daily basis between 10 minutes up to an hour journaling out my new reality as IS in the present. I also mixed it up with my current blessings and meshed them together because the Universe truly doesn’t know what is “real” versus what is “not real”. Everything is energy; it’s all about how you INFLUENCE the energy within our Universe.
On the 10th month I met him. He is 99% of what I truly wanted in my boyfriend. Yep. For real. No fucking joke! If someone tries to tell me miracles don’t happen, they really haven’t surrendered to the Universe (and they can get the fuck outta my way because I’m trying to help as many souls who want to SHIFT their mindset, thus manifest SO MUCH into their lives)! It’s been over 7 months since he and I met and things are just GREAT between us. Our relationship is getting better and better. We are truly best friends and I am TRULY blessed.
He is actually BETTER than I could have ever imagined, truthfully. And you want to know WHY he is? It’s because I completely surrendered to the outcome and the process. I quit fighting trying to control my surroundings and the outcome and I ALLOWED him to come into my physical realm, however and whenever. And I took inspired actions to ALLOW myself to be open to it.
An Honest Example:
EHarmony had a $20 3-month special so I signed up for 3 months for $20. What did I have to lose?? $20? Okay, but if I hadn’t given it a shot…I would have never met this amazing inventor who has changed the world of chemistry and science! And he is so giving that he doesn’t even care to be famous, he just wants to help the world as much as he can. His work is very famous, but this is how much the Universe truly delivers in blessings when you SURRENDER to the process and the outcome. He is a GOOD person. He is a GIVING person. And he is my REAL best friend because he gives to me JUST AS MUCH as I give to him.
Own Your Weirdness
Does this mean I’m going to stop being my version 2.0, one-in-a-7 billion, and super-badass, heart of a rose quartz, black lace, and delicate red-rose, purple royal hippie? HELL NO. I love OWNING ME. Why not OWN you, too? Not only did I perform my Mastering Your Mindset journaling on a daily basis, but I figured out a way to identify my fears, release them for the long-run, and I also figured out a way to CALL IN 99% of my life’s dreams INTO my physical realm within LESS than one year. That’s right, I did! And now I am here to HELP YOU because it’s truly what my soul is calling me to do.
When you surrender to the Universe and OWN it, the Universe delivers some MAJOR blessings into your life. So be you. Be 7 billion percent authentic YOU because there is only ONE of you on this planet. And because you ARE worthy of being happy and you ARE worthy of manifesting ALL of your soul’s dreams. And it IS happening FOR you! Have faith. Trust the process. KEEP GOING in the direction of your manifestations by taking inspired actions. Don’t be afraid, you ARE manifesting all of your dreams! TRUST and SURRENDER. Love yourself, never compromise. Ever. Never, ever again. Your soul will thank you.
Journal Girl Jaclyn