You’re A Top #1 Healing Spirit
15 years ago, when I was 25 years old, I attempted suicide after getting out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Though, I had no idea what narcissism was at the time. I went through cognitive behavioral therapy to heal and alter my thinking patterns from being abused as a minor by my science teacher. While we cannot control everything in the world and around us due to free will, we can choose how we respond to free will. And it took me 9 years before I was ready to try another relationship again.
5 years ago, I met a man I thought I would spend many years with, but life has a way of testing how you let people treat you. A few months ago, he broke up with me 6 months after moving across the country to be in the same city with him after 4 years of being in a long-distance relationship. The past trauma I endured suddenly came up to the surface with my thoughts and feelings again. I also deal with having OCD and anxiety/panic.
I felt myself catapulting back to 15 years ago, and I felt I had no control over myself. My mind literally fogged over and turned off. I was stuck in a mental loop once again.
I have moments of panic, and my brain wants to hop back onto the hamster wheel. Still, it’s mainly because I have endured a great deal of major life changes in 1 year:
- A new job after leaving one I loved,
- Moving to Ohio with family back in Texas,
- The passing of my Golden Retriever,
- The break-up 6 months within all these changes,
- Some health issues I took care of and am taking care of,
- Plus having OCD and anxiety/panic attacks.
My point is, keep going. I have evolved in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for what I endured. And suicide is not the ONLY answer.
Healing is not linear. Healing is like a waltz between you and the Divine weaving through time. When you join hands through the healing process, you transition to a beautiful rhythm for yourself and your life.
You are a beautiful soul, and I want you to know you ARE loved by all of us who know exactly how you feel. We understand.
XOXO Jaclyn Johnston | Manifest It!®
PS: Search Psychology Today to find your next cognitive behavioral therapist for your healing. Grab the #1 best-selling self-help and personal manifestation guidebooks and journals to help you on your healing journey.